Gubby vs Train

 

Most recently we were all getting into the car ready to make off to Ballymena from Portrush just after a chip, when this latest Gubbyaccident occurred.

Gubby was still eating and hopped into the back seat, passenger side, and I closed my door, making johnny think the car was all ready to go and so he put the car in gear and tried to drive off...except for this amazing sound that I've only ever heard on wild life programs. The sort of sound wildebeest make when their arse has been ripped off by a big lion or something, sort of like a groooooggguurrgh!!!!

Well, we all thought that was a funny sound and we sort of chuckled, but then Gubby said to johnny, hey what are ye doing. To which we all looked puzzled and confused. Then gubby sat their for a minute and said 'um...johnny, could ye ...get off me foot?'

What had occurred was that gubby's foot was playing hide and seek with him, and had chosen an unlikely hiding place under the car wheel, causing great distress for gubby, being the foot owner and main recipient of any pain involved.

Normally if something like this happens the victim has no hesitation in shouting out the pain they're under and the best way to remedy the situation. Gubby got the first bit right with the groogh sound, but failed after that. Instead of sitting there still eating his chips and causally mentioning to johnny he'd might like to reverse the car, Gubby should have used many expletives and foul language in getting johnny to move the car NOW!!!

What we were up to before that:

Mostly waiting on trains so far, but with the promise of minibus travel flying in our sky of dreams we can flush all that wasted time on the train down the shaking toilet bowl of a NIR train toilet (don't forget to aim).

What we have is a total lack of respect for public property...so deep is this lack that one of our members even used his head as a target for 'youths' to throw bricks at while he was on the train...thereby smashing a window.

That's real heroism, so we've tried to immortalise this in storyform :

Gubby's amazing train story : Don't get on a train with Gubby.

First reason not to get on a train with gubby is the obvious smell, but sometimes that's bearable.  The real reason, and potentially fatal reason, is his ability to magnetise clay and bricks.

The power of attraction bricks feel to the Gubster's head is so great, that even when travelling at the mighty speeds sometimes reached by NIR trains, bricks can feel an urge to embed themselves in Gubby's fair locks, destroying anything in their way, for example train windows, small furry dogs, sandwiches, and even the pungent aroma that permanently surrounds this beans eater.

Yes, the story is a simple, yet tragic tale of a young man on his way back to his term-time residence after visiting his family back in the sticks.  Whilst on the train and enjoying some banter with a few...friends is the only way to describe them, he felt a bit faint and decided his head did hurt after all.  It was then that his slow reaction time and thought processes eventually caught up with the real world and let Gubby in on the secret that everybody else knew...he was allergic to bricks in the head.  Even more so, bricks travelling at high speed.

Facts you may have not got from the story :

Fact 1 : Gubby got hit on the head by a flying (not selfpropelled) brick

Fact 2 : On a train

Fact 3 : His head was braving sore so he went and got pissed.

Fact 4 : He forgot to claim

History of Gubby's train journeys :

Train 1 : His train was ....OOHHHH...late.

Train 2 : His train turned into a big steaming turd half way through Ballymena and then it stopped and the locals started to eat it thinking it was a large pie from heaven.  Or...wait maybe that was my dream...oh yeh, no the train was late again.

Train 3 : Brick in head...see above for more details.

Train 4 : The brakes failed on the train and contrary to popular belief, this did not make the train go faster.  The train was declared a failure and Gubby was an hour late for his carry-out that night.