Okay, here's
the Bundoran stuff :
We've got :
Johnny
and his magic Arse
Gary
and the hose
Ali and the kite
General
Shananigans
The
Birth of Russ'elle
First of all, we've recently
had a trip to Bundoran, and I have to say the craic was
mighty, although the surf wasn't all that impressive we
still managed to get wet and catch a few waves, although
it was in the WaterWorld wave machine pool. The slide was
class, even though somebody got stuck half way down and
had to paddle their way out. Much to a lot of people's
amusement... b*sturds.
Oh yeah, speaking
about turds, and more importantly where they come from...well,
Johnny, Club president decided to clean his arse out. He
was showing Russell his arse (don't know why...could've
been the beer) and Russell screwed his face up in disgust
at the state in which Johnny kept his arse, so Johnny
decided he'd drink some beer through one of his salty
sweaty sand ridden socks. That didn't work so he tried to
clean his arse with the mighty Gubsters Magic Tin Whistle.
That didin't work so he just fell off a chair and we all
made fun of his nipples.
That was on the second night
of drinking there, and loadsa stuff happened. Um...before
all that a strange thing happenend. It involved two
sleeping men and a big hose. 
The people were
Gary and Phil (Gary's mate) and they were sharing the
double bed and had kipped out hours before the drinking
party had returned from the pubs/chippy. The hose was
long and thin and had loadsa water pumped through it...no
innuendos please. Gubby took careful aim(like he always
does when he's about to spurt) and shouted 'AWAY ON YEZ BOYS
YEZ!!!'
and let rip with the hose. Actually he didn't cos Jimmy
was out the back working the tap...but you get the idea.
So Ali flashed his camera to record the moment for
posterity and Gary leapt up and had a faint greenish hue
to his skin and shouted out something like '*&*&*&%%*&&*&' although I can't
be sure if that's an accurate recording of his words. Aye,
so he was mad, and wet, and looking pretty funny...har
har...so general chaos ensued and more people got wet,
and Gary went back to a soaking wet bed slightly less mad.
In the process Gubby slit his thumb...AW!.
Another strange thing happened early on the
second morning actually when I think on it. The author of
this was lying in bed and he heard the buzzing of the
biggest wasp since the JURASSIC AGE. The buzz was more
like a chainsaw but had a slightly insectoid quality to
it. So arousing myself(oo.eer) from my slumber I went out
to destroy this sleep intruder, then I went outside and
saw the Gubster and Russell and Leah all flying what they
thought was the house kite...like we got it free when we
rented the house. So me and Ali went out to kill the big
wasp and found it was Gubby being 'cool' on the kite
doing tricks and stuff. That was okay, til Ali had a go,
and with tremendous skill and hand eye coordination got
the winged beast stuck on the tallest lamp post he could.hheheheh.
Then I let them in on the secret that the kite was really
Johnny's and they got worried, but to make this crap wee
story even worse, they got it down without any hassle.
boom boom.
Um, that's
not all about Ali though folks, I have recently been
informed that this boyo had another wee adventure the
week before ( I already knew this but have a terrible
memory). Well, Ali was out one night up in Coleraine I
think enjoying a few quiet beers with his mates (aye
right), and he felt something strange and fell asleep.
When he
awoke he was in a very clean room and everyone in the
room was all shiny and clean looking, and seemed to be in
a strange sort of club where they all had to wear white.
Then he saw the dip feed in his arm and he caught on...he
finally got accepted into that drug rehabilitaion centre
he'd applied for. Then it all came back to him, the
pounding on the head, the pain in his eyes, the general
aching allover. He thought to himself, geez boys this is
some hangover, still that drip is helping a lot.
So after a
wee while, the Doctors finally told Ali that he'd been
severley beaten for something that he didn't do. So later
when Ali was discharged he decided to smoke cigars and
make plans that came together with his mates Howling mad
Corm and Bad attitude Sean and rid the world of evil scum
by going surfing in Bundoran and helping to save the
lives of several of our members who nealry got sucked out
to sea. For a while it looked as though the coastguard
may have had to be called, but this intrepid Hasselhofite
Lifeguard person shrugged aside all danger and just kept
swimming until everybody was back in safe again under
Gubby's evil alcoholic influence that made them all get
pissed later that night.
On the last day of the trip a new being had
emerged from the second house of our party - an entity
known only as Russ'elle. The picture below shows this new
anomaly in its natural pose.

I don't have time to tell all the tales, but
here's a list of sorts of funny things that happened, and
if you see the people involved ask them, and then laugh
straight into their faces. har har.
Eimear...WHERE's
CARMEL....Somebody here should be a comedian...Hey
watch me fall off three stools instead of the usual one
it normally takes...eimear is like the opposite of a
peach schnapps fountain, instead of being the source she's
a drain.Good business for archer's though.
Claire...general
snidey comments and wisecracks and pointing out the
similarity of Johnny to sesame streets one and only Count...number
one shareholder in archers as well...ability to confuse
people at fifty yards with handsignals, not good when
they're in danger of being drowned.
Russell...being
the sole observer of Johnny's moon, I hear Patrick Walker
is interested in your observations...Bjork impersonator...old
faithful(he generated enough steam upon removing his
wetsuit to power a small continent for a decade)
Leah...ability
to swim backwards while pointing forwards(riptide)...photographer
extraordinaire(we hope)...hypothermia
Ali...kite
trapper...Gubby pished on him(metaphorically speaking)...general
life saver on the riptide...
Gubby...hose
implementor...tin whistler(before johnny got to it...so
he thinks)...wrestler in bar...taxi tipper...
Carmel...horoscope
hero...riptide survivor '99...trendy chic(designer
wetsuit stuff etc.)...
Gary...I
think he's still wet...ability to chat up chics by
calling them stupid b*tches...
Phil...wipes
his arse with seaweed...enuff said.
Jamie...bar
wrestler...FEED ME...
Johnny...general
animal after the beer...
That's all
I can truly be bothered to write about, maybe more later
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