Bundoran Weekend '99


Okay, here's the Bundoran stuff :

We've got :

Johnny and his magic Arse

Gary and the hose

Ali and the kite

General Shananigans

The Birth of Russ'elle

First of all, we've recently had a trip to Bundoran, and I have to say the craic was mighty, although the surf wasn't all that impressive we still managed to get wet and catch a few waves, although it was in the WaterWorld wave machine pool. The slide was class, even though somebody got stuck half way down and had to paddle their way out. Much to a lot of people's amusement... b*sturds.

Oh yeah, speaking about turds, and more importantly where they come from...well, Johnny, Club president decided to clean his arse out. He was showing Russell his arse (don't know why...could've been the beer) and Russell screwed his face up in disgust at the state in which Johnny kept his arse, so Johnny decided he'd drink some beer through one of his salty sweaty sand ridden socks. That didn't work so he tried to clean his arse with the mighty Gubsters Magic Tin Whistle. That didin't work so he just fell off a chair and we all made fun of his nipples.

That was on the second night of drinking there, and loadsa stuff happened. Um...before all that a strange thing happenend. It involved two sleeping men and a big hose.
The people were Gary and Phil (Gary's mate) and they were sharing the double bed and had kipped out hours before the drinking party had returned from the pubs/chippy. The hose was long and thin and had loadsa water pumped through it...no innuendos please. Gubby took careful aim(like he always does when he's about to spurt) and shouted 'AWAY ON YEZ BOYS YEZ!!!' and let rip with the hose. Actually he didn't cos Jimmy was out the back working the tap...but you get the idea. So Ali flashed his camera to record the moment for posterity and Gary leapt up and had a faint greenish hue to his skin and shouted out something like '*&*&*&%%*&&*&' although I can't be sure if that's an accurate recording of his words. Aye, so he was mad, and wet, and looking pretty funny...har har...so general chaos ensued and more people got wet, and Gary went back to a soaking wet bed slightly less mad. In the process Gubby slit his thumb...AW!.


Another strange thing happened early on the second morning actually when I think on it. The author of this was lying in bed and he heard the buzzing of the biggest wasp since the JURASSIC AGE. The buzz was more like a chainsaw but had a slightly insectoid quality to it. So arousing myself(oo.eer) from my slumber I went out to destroy this sleep intruder, then I went outside and saw the Gubster and Russell and Leah all flying what they thought was the house kite...like we got it free when we rented the house. So me and Ali went out to kill the big wasp and found it was Gubby being 'cool' on the kite doing tricks and stuff. That was okay, til Ali had a go, and with tremendous skill and hand eye coordination got the winged beast stuck on the tallest lamp post he could.hheheheh. Then I let them in on the secret that the kite was really Johnny's and they got worried, but to make this crap wee story even worse, they got it down without any hassle. boom boom.

Um, that's not all about Ali though folks, I have recently been informed that this boyo had another wee adventure the week before ( I already knew this but have a terrible memory). Well, Ali was out one night up in Coleraine I think enjoying a few quiet beers with his mates (aye right), and he felt something strange and fell asleep.

When he awoke he was in a very clean room and everyone in the room was all shiny and clean looking, and seemed to be in a strange sort of club where they all had to wear white. Then he saw the dip feed in his arm and he caught on...he finally got accepted into that drug rehabilitaion centre he'd applied for. Then it all came back to him, the pounding on the head, the pain in his eyes, the general aching allover. He thought to himself, geez boys this is some hangover, still that drip is helping a lot.

So after a wee while, the Doctors finally told Ali that he'd been severley beaten for something that he didn't do. So later when Ali was discharged he decided to smoke cigars and make plans that came together with his mates Howling mad Corm and Bad attitude Sean and rid the world of evil scum by going surfing in Bundoran and helping to save the lives of several of our members who nealry got sucked out to sea. For a while it looked as though the coastguard may have had to be called, but this intrepid Hasselhofite Lifeguard person shrugged aside all danger and just kept swimming until everybody was back in safe again under Gubby's evil alcoholic influence that made them all get pissed later that night.

On the last day of the trip a new being had emerged from the second house of our party - an entity known only as Russ'elle. The picture below shows this new anomaly in its natural pose.

I don't have time to tell all the tales, but here's a list of sorts of funny things that happened, and if you see the people involved ask them, and then laugh straight into their faces. har har.

Eimear...WHERE's CARMEL....Somebody here should be a comedian...Hey watch me fall off three stools instead of the usual one it normally takes...eimear is like the opposite of a peach schnapps fountain, instead of being the source she's a drain.Good business for archer's though.

Claire...general snidey comments and wisecracks and pointing out the similarity of Johnny to sesame streets one and only Count...number one shareholder in archers as well...ability to confuse people at fifty yards with handsignals, not good when they're in danger of being drowned.

Russell...being the sole observer of Johnny's moon, I hear Patrick Walker is interested in your observations...Bjork impersonator...old faithful(he generated enough steam upon removing his wetsuit to power a small continent for a decade)

Leah...ability to swim backwards while pointing forwards(riptide)...photographer extraordinaire(we hope)...hypothermia

Ali...kite trapper...Gubby pished on him(metaphorically speaking)...general life saver on the riptide...

Gubby...hose implementor...tin whistler(before johnny got to it...so he thinks)...wrestler in bar...taxi tipper...

Carmel...horoscope hero...riptide survivor '99...trendy chic(designer wetsuit stuff etc.)...

Gary...I think he's still wet...ability to chat up chics by calling them stupid b*tches...

Phil...wipes his arse with seaweed...enuff said.

Jamie...bar wrestler...FEED ME...

Johnny...general animal after the beer...

That's all I can truly be bothered to write about, maybe more later