Beach Party '99

Beach Party '99

It's been a long time coming but now the truth is finally out...what really happened at the Beach Party of '99.

Loadsa stuff happened at this party, and usually most people couldn't remember what happened, but fortunately/unfortunately somebody was sick and couldn't drink too much so this is all fairly accurate.

Near the end of June an intrepid group of daring do-ers headed up the coast for some of a spiritual kind. Naturally this involved dropping in at the supermarket beforehand for some supplies.

So what we all got was about 80 quids worth of food and 5 quids worth of booze...or something like that...maybe not that exact

There was one day of surfing then a wee barbie and a campfire and then the next day was more surfin and kite flying and dune rolling.

This was taken before any feet were burned off, this is what Helen really looks like, honest.At the actual fire itself, pretty soon it was evident the wood was running out, so Corm came up with an idea. He reckoned 'cos Helen was so tall he could burn wee bits of her without her noticing. 'Cos she was so long in the leg, the actual pain would take ages to travel up and she wouldn't start screaming for a few days, by that time Corm would be 12000 miles away in Oz and he wouldn't have to endure hearing a woman gurning. You must understand that Corm was bevvied up at this stage, but having said that the plan worked well enough and Helen is now down to a respectable 4'9" so everybody's happy.


Russ and Leah kindly lent us their Shoebox to stay in, for shoebox ''tis what it was. We managed to fit 15 people into that wee caravanette thingy, but one of them was a contortionist so it was alright, and some others slept elsewhere, but it's okay 'cos they're not related to Kieran in anyway whatsoever, and the other one wasn't Johnny either.

The first day:

Jimmy a la Jemima of the Golden Fleece...real genuine Glenravel Sheephair WigWe all went surfing and somebody decided it would be funny to dress up in a wig and they made Jimmy do it 'cos he's a bit stupid and gullible and the rest.


Corm and Kieran and Johnny caught the best waves of the day, so they say but everybody had a good session anyway.


Except Sabine, she wandered about for a while looking for Dermot who was stuck in Belfast so she contented herself checking out Dunluce castle where there were a lot of animals. That's all I'm saying about that.

Then Russ thought he'd start the barbie being real stupid and drank what he thought was vinegar but turned out to be battery acid. Meanwhile Jimmy had consumed his 19th Lucozade and carrot 'cos that's all he could hold down due to some wierd tropical disease that made food want to leave the body rapidly.

After all the food was devoured and the customary crap guitar playing by Jimmy and Kieran the group headed down to the beach for a campfire and a proper sing-song thing. Voted for by Jimmy and Kieran when they realised Edward and Russell were playing spanish flamenco on the guitar much better than Jimmy or Kieran could even spell flamenco.

There were two ways there, either in a car or to cut across the Golf Club grounds. So all the lazy and clever people got in the car or made excuses why they coudln't walk...pregnancy is not a valid excuse for a man by the way Johnny.

Ali got feared of being caught crossing the golf club and ran like the clappers getting soaked all the while in the long grass...but apparently that's not all he was doing in the long grass. I hear Gubby had wet trousers too, maybe they were both playing in the long grass together.

Gubby actually wasn't, he was in America, so I guess it was Ali and Corm then.

So we got to our wee sheltered spot and it started to bloody rain...then we realised Kieran had got there first and climbed on to the wee cliff behind us and showing us what beer looks like after its been processed by a human digestive system...that's piss to those thickies.

After that Kieran ran about all night like some wandering minstrel in a crap 1950's Robin Hood movie, playing his guitar and serenading wide open spaces 'cos everybody was too pissed to listen to him.

Gemma at her most soberest all night...and the following 2 weeksGemma(his wee sis) got absolutely blootered and lost some jewellry that she had us looking for for hours the next day in some sand dunes...???

Russ got hungry again and tried to melt his finger in the fire 'cos he was hungry and there was no food left and he felt like a kebab.

Basically everybody got drunk and did disgusting things to each other if they could or talked shite if they couldn't. I'll not mention any names to protect Johnny from them all ganging up on him....woops.

Later on that night everybody was running about, nicking flags from the golf club...and putting them back again, and Jimmy was so high on his Lucozade that he fell down a wee hill and rolled right back up again and ripped half his trousers leg off doing so.


The next day a few more went in surfing and others just watched. Gemma just watched and tried to kill the rest with Johnny's kite so we all ran away and hid in the sand dunes. Pretty soon she got the idea and joined us in the sand dunes. And then..for frigs sake, Gemma and Jimmy and Helen all decided it would be good craic to roll down the biggest dune they could find!!! EH!!! These people can't be intelligent enough to breathe...I just don't know.