The Earth shaking, board breaking, piss taking
This constitution was written on the back of several beer mats by our forefathers and handed down from generation to generation. Here in contained are all the rules and explanations concerning this club.
Act 1 Enjoyment
Law 1:You shall enjoy making a fool of yourself.
Law 2:You shall enjoy making a fool of others.
Act 2: Commitment
Law 1: You shall be ready to die for your surf club if they ever go to war with another club, society or military organisation of any type.
Law 2: Your surfboard is your soul mate. You shall sleep with it, talk to it, and when you are old go for long walks in the park with it.
Law 3: There are no brakes on a surfboard for a reason, 100% commitment.
Law 4: God didn't make surfboards because they look good in the corner of the room. Though they do make you look really cool they are not ornaments.
Law 5: All surf equipment, property, savings and family members shall be signed over to QUB surf club on receipt of membership.
Act 2 Drinking
Law 1: No surfing whilst under the influence of alcohol.
Law 2: Don't talk too much about drinking, our reputation is bad enough as it is. If anyone approaches you in the bar tell them you are from the embroidery and cross stitching club.
Law 3. While you do not need your liver to be able to stand up on a surfboard you are reminded that it is a useful part of your body.
Law 4. No drinking and being boring at the same time. If you find yourself being boring just shout 'monkey's, over there, quick' and people will find this both amusing and interesting. The word monkey can be substituted with any other suitable words such as 'killer zombie', 'giraffes' or 'astronaut'.
Law 5: If you were actually looking for the 'drinking club' and ended up hanging around with us by mistake do not worry. Surfing is nature's cure for hangovers.
Act 3 Standing around
Law 1: There shall be lots of standing around before, after and during surf trips.
Law 2: People who give out the most about standing around are the ones who are to stand around the most.
Law 3: Standing around is best done in groups of three to four in a cold windy place.
Law 4: Practise standing around at home or in the library toilets. Remember, it doesn't come naturally. Stick with it and some day you may be as good as wee Jim.
Act 4 Body boards
Law 1: Body boards are not speed bumps for surfers.
Law 2: Body boarders have feelings too.
Act 5 Drowning
Law 1: Drowning is strictly forbidden. It's not funny and it's not smart.
Law 2: Look out for anyone who is drowning and immediately stop them and explain that they are breaking the law (Act 5, law 1) and could face harsh penalties such as having to 'go up to the bar' or 'updating the website'.
Act 6 Body parts
Law 1: The surf club does not condone the theft, sale or distribution of body parts.
Law 2: New livers may be replaced by the club if given at least a half a days notice.
Law 3: The club is not responsible for any damage incurred whilst drinking, standing around or surfing. There are sticky plasters available in the case of emergencies.
Law 4: All rumours that the surf club is a front for an international smuggling ring are false and anyone spreading such rumours may disappear in the middle of the night and may never be seen again.
Act 7 Religion
Law 1: Surfing is compatible with all major religions. God told me so herself.
Act 8 Monkeys
Law 1: Monkeys have very little to do with surfing but I like them.
Law 2: While monkeys can be often seen running large superpowers or chasing footballs around a pitch, you will never see one surfing. It just wouldn't be right.
Law 3: Any monkeys who shave and pass themselves off as human to try and join the surf club shall be exposed and flogged. Be careful not to mistake club members for monkeys after twelve on a Saturday night.
Act 9 Use of words/ Talking.
Law 1: Uses of the words 'gnarly', 'sick', 'stoked' and 'dude' are to be used with caution. 'Cowabunga', 'radical in a really far out way man' and 'groovy tulips' are banned.
Law 2: All stories shall be exaggerated. A useful tip is to at least double everything.
What actually happened: The waves were five foot, I fell off my board. I cried like a little girl and got out after five minutes.
How you tell it: The waves were at least ten foot and I got tubed more times than I've played with myself. I stayed out there for week's man, I was a stoked.
Law 3: New members are not lepers, have no contagious diseases (we hope) and will not stalk you if you say hello to them. Being friendly is what surfing is all about.
Act 10 Ideas
Law 1: Good ideas are encouraged, please share them. If it wasn't for good ideas we wouldn't have surfboards, alcohol or milk cartons which don't spill when you open them.
Law 2: If you can figure out a way to turn cabbage, broccoli or any other common vegetable into gold please share it with the club.
Law 3: There is no such thing as a good idea after twelve on a Saturday evening.
Act 11 Interspecies breeding
Law 1: We don't encourage it.
Act 12 Dolphins
Law 1: They shall not have all the fun.
Law 2: Please don't eat, stand on or try to mate with any dolphins, whales or maritime creatures of any sort.
Law 3: Always carry a spare monkey in case of shark attack. If you spot a shark wave the monkey around in front of the shark before throwing it in the water and calmly but quickly paddling for the shore.